Version
published by
indigo
[Intro]C F C/G Em[Verse]C F C/G EmIt's about all the sad stuff. Just picture a depressed onion cutting itself.C F C/G EmC F C/G Em[Verse]C FI met a homeless man named RichC GIsn't that terrible?C FI saw a flyer for a lost dogAm EmAnd the dog didn't have any legsC F Am GI saw a diabetic kid trick-or-treatingC FI saw a giraffe who had a short neckAm GThat was sad, or a deer[Verse]E F C GI saw an old man get hit by a trainE FHe didn't see it in the pouring rainC G EHe didn't hear me shout, "Look out for the train!"Because I didn't say anything.C F C/G EmC F C/G EmI just thought to myself, "Ooh, this is gonna be sad."C F C/G EmAnd it was.C F C/G EmI'm a genius.[Verse]C FI saw a man with only one eyeC GIn a 3D movieC FI saw a little boy drop his ice cream coneAm EmDirectly on his mother's corpseC FI saw a kitten stuck in a treeAm GThen the kitten jumped off and he hung himselfC F Am GI saw a boy who had red hair.[Verse]E F C GI went to a store looking for something to buyE FBut they only sold paintings of the same sad guyC GNo, wait--this store sells mirrors!ESee what I did there?C Em F FmLet's rock! No.[Bridge]C Em F FmC Em F Fm
(repeat through spoken section)[Spoken]The world's so sad, bros. Pain, genocide, war, sexism, racism.But I've gotta remember there's good things about it too.Like the fact that none of that's happening to me! Score! Still,though, it's hard not to be sad about it. How do y'all do it? I'vebeen telling you guys terribly sad things this whole song; youhaven't been sad at all. You've been--you've been happy--no,you've been laughing. That's it, laughter, it's the key to everything.It's the way to solve all the sadness in the world! I mean not for thepeople that are actually sad, but the people like us that've gottafucking deal with them all the time. Being a comedian isn't beingan insensitive prick capitalizing on the most animalistic impulsesof the public; it's being a hero. The world isn't sad. The world'sC Em F Gfunny! I'm a sociopath![Verse]C FI saw an old man slip and fallAm GHey, what a fucking idiotC FI saw a woman at her daughter's funeralAm GHa ha ha. Classic comedy.C FEverything that once was sadAm GIs somehow funny nowC FThe Holocaust and 9/11Am GThat shit's funny 24/7, cuzE F C GTragedy will be exclusively joked aboutE F CBecause my empathy is bumming me outG EGoodbye, sadnessC F C/G Em CHello jokes.