[Strophe]
Em 
Please leave all overcoats, canes, and top hats with the doorman 
    C 
And from that moment, you'll be out of place and under dressed 
    Am                                B 
I'm wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it 
C                             B7 
Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring and  
Em                                     D 
Please leave all overcoats, canes, and top hats with the doorman 
     G                                 C 
And from that moment, you'll be out of place and under dressed 
    Am                                B 
I'm wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it 
C                             D               B7 
Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring and  
Em 
When you're in black slacks with accentuating off-white  
Am(add9) Am     Am(add9) Am 
pinstripes      whoa-oh  
C          B      B  Am    G  Em 
Everything goes according to plan
[Refrain]
C                   B7 
I'm the new cancer, never looked better 
    Em         D 
And you can't stand it 
                   G 
I know because you say so under your breath 
                B7 
You're reading lips, "When did he get at all confident?" 
C           B7          Em         D 
Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer? 
G 
Never looked better 
    B7 
And you can't stand it
[Instrumentale]
B B C C B B C C C C B Am G
[Strophe]
Em 
Next is a trip to the ladies room in vain 
C 
I bet you just can't keep up with these fashionistas 
Am 
Tonight, tonight, you are, you are the whispering campaign 
B                             B7 
To them, your name is "Cheap", I bet to them you look like shhh 
Em                  D 
Talk to the mirror, choke back tears 
         G                       C          C B Am 
And keep telling yourself that, "I'm a diva."  
Am                         B                        C 
Oh, and the smokes in that cigarette box at your table 
             D      B     C     B    C  C  C Am  B 
They just so happen to be laced with nitroglycerin
[Refrain]
C                   B7 
I'm the new cancer, never looked better 
    Em         D 
And you can't stand it 
                   G 
I know because you say so under your breath 
                B7 
You're reading lips, "When did he get at all confident?" 
C           B7          Em         D 
Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer? 
G 
Never looked better 
    B7                B B 
And you can't stand it 
[Instrumentale]
Em D G C   Am B Em 
Em D G C   Am B Em
[Pont]
Em          D          G           C 
Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer? 
    Am            B          Em 
I've never looked better and you can't stand it 
Em          D          G           C 
Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer? 
    Am            B          Em 
I've never looked better and you can't stand it
[Outro]
      Em 
And I know, and I know 
        D                         G                          C 
It just doesn't feel like a night out with no one sizing you up 
          Am             B 
I've never been so surreptitious 
                          Em 
So of course you'll be distracted when I spike the punch 
      Em 
And I know, and I know 
        D                         G                          C 
It just doesn't feel like a night out with no one sizing you up 
          Am             B 
I've never been so surreptitious 
                          Em 
So of course you'll be distracted when I spike the punch  
      Em 
And I know, and I know 
        D                         G                          C 
It just doesn't feel like a night out with no one sizing you up 
          Am             B 
I've never been so surreptitious 
                          Em                    D  Em 
So of course you'll be distracted when I spike the punch